LOVE HURTS: AN INTERVIEW WITH A DOMINATRIX

dominatrix, n.
Etymology: Latin; feminine of dominātor.
A female dominator; mistress, lady.
spec. a woman who takes the dominant or sadistic role in sado-masochistic sexual activities.
– Oxford English Dictionary online

Mistress Kali is a professional dominatrix who lives and works in Devon. She takes her name from the Hindu goddess of Time and Change, a many-armed blue woman often depicted standing on the corpse of her male consort Shiva. She is the perfect avatar for a mistress of BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism), empowered and fierce. According to her website, Kali’s ‘talents excel in the dynamic interplay of pain and pleasure; of tension and release; of teasing, withholding; using and playing’. She is ‘passionate, sensual, cruel; and with a wicked wit and utter authority which compels you to obey or suffer the consequences’.

While many dominatrixes receive clients in ‘dungeons’, Mistress Kali works in a space she calls her ‘Temple’, ‘a Sanctuary of Kink where fantasies find reality’. It is decorated tastefully and frangranced with incense, setting the stage for a ‘transformative’ erotic experience. She tells me that she’s madly busy at the moment; however, despite a punishing schedule, kindly agreed to answer my questions via email:

How did you originally get into BDSM practices?

It was sparked off by meeting my boyfriend (now husband of 20 years); we both explored many areas of sexual activity, including swinging, exhibitionism, voyeurism, threesomes, foursomes & moresomes, fetish parties and clubs.

You were a lifestyle dominatrix before you went professional; why did you make the change?

My friend began to work as a ‘massage girl’ and kept getting calls for domination, which wasn’t her scene. She thought I would be good at it… the rest is history 😉

Do you find sexual pleasure in your work?

I find a great deal of sexual pleasure in my work, and would like to ensure that continues!

It is often rumoured that subs hold powerful jobs in the “real world”. Does this ring true?

That is a fable. People of all ages and all walks of life visit me. Obviously, a few conform to that stereotype.

How much do you find out about your clients’ lives outside of the temple?

Usually very little. I do not like to pry, but regular clients who I have got to know over the years may tell me more. I often ask them their profession, the area where they live and perhaps their marital status.

Is there a divide between your work and out-of-work personas?

I have so many facets to the fore of my character that it is a hard question to answer. I am a creative person in various media, and a performer and am very gregarious… but I also like quiet and solitude…

You say that you believe in the supremacy of the female. Can it be found outside of your temple?

The patriarchal culture in which we live and have lived in for thousands of years has suppressed the feminine, women and the earth, to the entire planet’s detriment… I like to think I am helping to get a little of the balance back.. 😉

What would you say to those who are frightened by the idea of Kink and BDSM practices?

It’s OK to be cautious about something of which you know little, but there is a great deal of fun to be had with the right people/person.. and ultimately it is about love… love comes in various guises.

And finally, what advice would you give to an aspiring dominatrix?

Do it for more reasons than just the money. Be genuine. Have an open heart. Be true to yourself. Respect your clients.

www.mistresskali.co.uk

Featured image: The goddess Kali by Ravi Varma, courtesy of Wellcome Library, London