Take a brief look at some of Exeter University’s thriving social species, with precise anatomical illustrations by Dave wood. For best results, get David Attenborough to read it to you.

Drama Students
(Loudus Drammaticus)

Ah, our first spotting is also a dramatic one! Drama students, whilst merging with the general crowd by day, come alive by night. But be warned! While they might look like the most eligible females in Arena, as soon as Chris (who is totes legit btw) pulls Vicky (who is, like, a complete slut), they end up folded in the corner, covered in semi-digested blue WKD and tears.

Cavern Snobs
(Skinnius Jeanus)

A rare sight on campus, given that they’re constantly at the latest musical rave party, staying up late taking the newest legal research chemical or discussing some minimal techno movement developing in Croatia. However, if you do get cornered by one, be prepared to have your entire music taste deconstructed, critiqued, and scoffed at.

‘Down it Freshers’
(Chino Vomitus)

What have we here? Ah, yes! Recognised by their primeval chants, the ‘Down it Freshers’ are becoming an increasingly prominent member of the student population. Although they’re not completely stupid, it would be difficult to argue that they find much time for study outside of rugby training and chundering outside Timepiece. On a night out they can be spotted without trousers and shouting aggressively at anybody who dares question their apparent authority over others.

Philosophy Students
(Pretentious Completus)

A fleeting subset of the student species, the philosophy student can be characterised by their state of constant existential flux, depending on who they are reading that week. First year philosophy undergraduates can be frequently spotted sitting in the Ram telling anybody who cares to listen (usually other philosophy undergraduates) about how nothing really exists (wake up, guys!) and how absolutely excited by nihilism they are.


Originally published in The Fresh Edition